ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
