it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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