Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
