Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
