She announced her abortion via fbk
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
