guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
