if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
