Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
