I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
