i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Your cock deserves a montage
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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