Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
