dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
