He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
