oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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