butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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