I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
