no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
