I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
