Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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