Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I CAN MOONWALK!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
