When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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