i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
