Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
