so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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