Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
