Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
