This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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