Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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