i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
