She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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