Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
