Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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