I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize