We're facebook friends in real life
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have post one night stand depression
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
