I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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