every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
