I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
