Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
