More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
