I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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