I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am one with the molecules
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
