I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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