I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
