He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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