Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize