Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
