No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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