whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
