i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
