I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
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Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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