do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
