I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
