Please, let me fuck your mom
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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