I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pants are for mortals
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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