I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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