I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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