Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
