It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
