so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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