i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
