Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
