dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
