you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize