Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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