Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just pee around me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
