I feel like abortions should bother me more
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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