Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
