So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
