Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
