and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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