come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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