Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
